All or Nothing...or Something Like That

As a perfectionist, I tend to have this issue with going "all in" and then discouraging myself when I have "off days" or especially "off weeks."

The rational part of my brain likes to think that one can identify as, say, a yogini and still have days or weeks where finding time to come to the mat or go to class just doesn't happen. Or days when health prevents one from practicing. Then a little voice comes into my head and says "no, you just practice with your body's needs in mind...if your tummy hurts, find poses that feel good and do them." And I listen to this, except when the other little voice in my brain comes in and says "yea, but your body is also telling you it wants to be curled up on the couch in sweats, drinking tea and resting."

And this presents a very real problem, because part of practicing yoga is learning to listen to one's body and to be mindful of what it needs. We don't move into pain, we don't judge or praise our practice. We experience the moment and let it be. So if I'm listening to my body and it says "sharp stomach pains, queasiness and general malaise," then perhaps I should really just go home and rest. But what if my body is really saying that it's depressed or experiencing the physical manifestation of anxiety or stress, and a good relaxing class that gets me out of my head is exactly what my body needs to overcome my stomach ailments?

I came to this circular and frustrating argument of who to trust and listen to and to what extent in what circumstance after a minor dilemma yesterday.

As I'm sure you haven't been able to miss, I've been vegan for about a month now. I slipped up the weekend of my speech in Framingham at the Rotary conference, and paid the price. I must have a short memory because this incident did not stop me from indulging in cheese at an office meeting. You see, we had guests from Taiwan who are here to learn about how we work in our IRB, and my boss thought it would be great to have some pizza on their first day in town. Great idea!

Except that pizza has cheese. And not only that, but pizza tastes good. And before you taste how good the pizza is, you can smell it...and those magic molecules in the melty cheese make my tummy hungry for cheeeeese. So I indulged. This was also a bit of a conscious decision not entirely motivated by a chemical reaction inside me to the smell of melty pizza cheese. It was a decision that also related to my not wanting to make a vegan scene in the office in front of our guests. I also wasn't up for explaining myself or eating lettuce for lunch. Perhaps this is far too much rationalization, but I had the least cheesy piece I could find and ate.

And then my digestive system decided to revolt. We'll leave it at that, but I certainly did not feel fantastic, and my motivation to avoid cheese and all things dairy has increased. Now, whether this is a real lactose intolerance or a new sensitivity (my reading and chatting with folks studying nutrition suggests that all adults start to lose their ability to digest dairy as they age. So there it is, I must be aging), doesn't actually matter to me. What matters to me is that when I eat dairy, my tummy hurts. When I avoid dairy, my tummy is happy.

So there is an example of me listening to my body. This is good. I'm responding to pain and other cues that tell me how to give my body what it needs to feel and function it's best. Go go body-mind connection!

But then there's the fact that I'm not going to yoga today. And I didn't go yesterday. Or the day before that, or the day before that. (4 days now, sans asanas). I could sit here and explain to you the rationalization that bounced through my brain as I carefully walked to the train (I was fairly convinced I might throw up). And in fact, I will...just to provide an example of how intensely I considered whether to go to class or not.

On saturday we were apartment hunting (more on that later), and then went to visit friends and family all over MA. On Sunday I had my bodywork appointment and felt so out of it from this medication I'm working with, that I went home to rest. Sunday, more of the need to rest due to queasiness and dizziness (my assumption is that feeling like I'm going to vomit or fall over is not going to lead to productive yoga). But oh there it is! Productive yoga!!?? What is that??!! And why am I thinking that way? Shouldn't yoga just be? Without needing to be productive?

And so I skipped yoga recently. I feel guilty about it. And why? Because I bought an unlimited monthly pass and fancy myself dedicated to it in a daily sense? Because I have identified myself as someone doing yoga? And I'm somehow a phony if I miss a few days? But aren't I supposed to listen to my body? And if my body says "I feel like crap," shouldn't I listen and rest? Or is that somehow a false representation of my body? Some crazy inner voice that lies and leads me astray?

But as I spoke about with Mr. K this morning, the choice to do more yoga goes deeper than the purchase of a pass. I chose to stop taking a medication with the hopes that I could mediate the symptoms with a combination of yoga and meditation. The medication is messing with my body (I am fairly convinced it's the reason that despite an entire lent as a fairly strict vegan, and several days of walking and many hours of vinyasa per week I've only managed to lose 2.5 of the 25lbs I need/want to lose. And then there are other things) and I don't want my body messed with anymore. But I still have a need to manage symptoms. Of course, I can't manage them if I give in to the desire to curl up and ignore the world every day. Nor if I let myself get so busy that I no longer have time to take care of myself, something I am certainly prone to do.

I wish I had a wonderful resolution to this internal drive toward diving all in or staying completely out. I wish I could find the ability to float in that middle ground grey world where I can accept times of less dedication as what they are, and move past them without attaching such weighty words of judgement. For now, I'm just in jumping back and forth between black and white, and gosh, I could really use a nap.

And this is the scary part about having a blog

Actually...the really, really scary part is what people will say when you put your thoughts out there in the great wide expanse of Internet world, where people are free to insult without having to face the consequences of their comments.

But the other (slightly less) scary thing is the weeks or days between blog posts, when you lose your steam, have little time or hit a wall with writer's block. Somehow it makes the blog feel less real...only amateurs forget to write, or don't write, or have long expanses between their writing! To avoid this, I could have set myself up to write less often, but then I would have missed out on many a post I enjoyed writing.

Alas, here I am, re-entering my world of blog posting now that I'm back from Seattle, done with my crunch to get a draft of my graduate papers turned in to my advisor, and feeling more balanced in general. Finally I'm finding the time to put keystroke to computer screen, and hopefully you're happy I'm doing so!

I think today's post should focus a little on the Vegan for Lent experiment, particularly considering that I'm in the last few days of the journey. Specifically, I have 63 hours left (assuming I stop being vegan at midnight between Saturday and Easter). If we take out the hours I plan to sleep (as then I'm not thinking about what I'm eating), I really have 45 waking hours of conscious veganism left. Not that I'm counting or anything crazy like that.

Over the past 2-ish months, I've had 2 slip-ups (that I was aware of). The first being my first weekend of veganism when I was at the Rotary conference and binged on half a round of boursin, which did not end up well for my digestive system. Let's just say, my tummy hurt. The second occurred on my recent trip to Seattle, when my brother-in-law rallied himself from the depths of what must be the worst cold/flu/fever/cough combo known to man to fire up the pizza oven he made with his own blood, sweat and tears and grilled up what must be the best pizza known to man. How could a girl turn that down? I did turn down the prosciutto pizza, but I indulged in the veggie pizzas despite the ooey gooey mounds of fresh mozzarella dotted all over the surface like little oases in a desert of yum. I do not regret this lapse. My soul is better for it.

So then, what happens on Easter? Assuming I find the time (this is not given, as Mr. K and I have a full schedule of apartments all over MA to view, as we are considering moving), I was planning to make a bread that my dad always made for Easter. It's an enriched bread (read: contains egg), dotted with squares of grueyere cheese that melt into little holes of amazingness and give the bread a holey-cheese filled appearance that warrants the nickname "swiss cheese braid." Oh yea...it's braided too. The whole loaf is quite a sight, and I do love it.

But as I type that sentence, I'm not sure how I feel about buying eggs. Even before I was a vegetarian (much less a vegan) I felt weird about eggs. I hate the way raw eggs smell. I can only eat them when they are scrambled or poached or cooked in things, only with several other items that also have strong flavors. On more than one occasion I've spent an hour or so baking up a quiche for Mr. K and I, only to end up eating salad because the thought of eating egg makes me queasy. As such, I think I might just continue not using eggs. This will be sad for some baking purposes, but I think I can work around it, and I'll give myself the flexibility to indulge once in awhile for holidays and such.

Butter is another tricky spot. Mr. K really likes the vegan "butter" we got for this experiment, and I've found it works just fine in baking. I may therefore also stop buying "real butter."

Milk is something that I have happily replaced with soymilk, which has been a real treat for me as I actually like soymilk better. Come Sunday, milk will make a reappearance in our abode, however, as Mr. K misses it for his cereal and coffee.

Cheese and yogurt: While I LOVE these foods, I have also noticed that I feel a LOT better when I don't eat them. As such, they will likely continue to ride in the back seat of my cooking convertable, making an appearance on rare or special occasions. It will also be a relief to have them as options when I am eating out of the home, as it is really, really hard to avoid milk, eggs, butter, cheese and yogurt in public (I'd like to see that change, as it's just silly). So it looks like I'm going to be a loosey-goosey-veganish vegetarian come Sunday. yahoo!

A treat that I will continue to love? Toasted whole wheat everything bagel with veggie tofu spread and tomatoes. Best. Breakfast. Ever.

Vegan Experiment: Day 26 of 47

After counting up those days, it's kind of cool to see that I'm more than half way! And I'm still alive! And most of my cravings for animal filled products have subsided.

I'd be lying if I said there weren't tempting moments that totally caught me off guard. I've also become a much bigger fan of super dark chocolate than I ever thought I'd be (it's only vegan if it's >70% cocoa).

I also do miss cheese, but only really in the sense that I miss favorite dishes that usually contain cheese--like cheese enchiladas, grilled cheese sandwiches, mac and cheese made from scratch and baked to perfection. Egg and cheese sandwiches on an everything bagel. mmmm.

A friend pointed out that someone she knew had tried to be vegan, finding it easy until you step outside. I completely agree! I have become even more intense about reading nutrition labels than I was before (Just ask Mr. K, I used to drive him nuts by reading labels in the supermarket).

Going to restaurants is an interesting challenge, trying to find something that gives my body what it needs, but doesn't contain accidental traces of animal. I'm sure that I am consuming non-vegan items unwittingly, but I refuse to worry myself over that. I am doing the best I can with the information that I have.

That being said, I still prefer to cook for myself, and this weekend has been a fun food experiment!

Friday night we had Kale and White Bean Soup with some day old Broa (recipe from Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day) and then Mr. K and I baked a Raspberry Jam Swirl Crumbcake from Post Punk Kitchen, and today I whipped up a Mac and No Cheese for some lunch guests (who, though admittedly into meat eating, devoured it!). Yum.


I should note that the pureed white beans with sauteed onions, celery and garlic would make an excellent dip for chips and veggies. In fact, this may make an appearance alongside some flatbread for my graduation open house (May 21st! Don't miss it!).

The first 5 days

This is day 5 of the vegan lifestyle change, and I must admit I'm feeling pretty good. I've already lost 1.5 lbs, I have a lot of energy and my stomach problems aren't as frequent as they were. I also have a healthier appetite and don't feel weighed down after meals.

Breakfast:
I've been eating multigrain hot cereal most mornings, with a splash of almond milk and fruit or honey. This breakfast is packed with protein and fiber, so it usually leaves me pretty full in the mornings.

I've also been experimenting with soy yogurts, as one of my favorite breakfasts is Greek yogurt with some soy cluster and flax seed cereal and chopped up fruit (usually blueberries or strawberries). So far I've tried three brands: The first I tried was the Trader Joe's cultured soy. I tried peach, strawberry and raspberry and didn't really like any of them.

Then I tried Stonyfield Organic O'Soy yogurt. I tried the vanilla (I generally prefer plain or vanilla yogurt anyway, unless it's Chobani fruit on the bottom with pomegranate seeds). I actually liked this one better than the TJs version, especially when doctored up with cereal and fruit. Mr. K tried the blueberry and found it to be too sweet for his tastes (this is why I avoid flavored yogurt and go with plain...)

After a trip to the "big" grocery store (we had a rental car, so we stocked up on everything we could ever need for about a month), I tried SO Delicious soy yogurt, vanilla flavor. It's sweetened with agave, which gives it a distinct taste, but I think this is probably my favorite so far. It's also quite good doctored up with the fruit and cereal.

Lunch:
I didn't have much time this week to cook vegan dinners at home, so there weren't many leftovers to bring as lunches to work. This provided a challenge, as the cafe in my building serves only 1 vegetarian soup per day, but they generally add cream or butter to the mix. They have salads, which are sizeable, so I've been having the mixed greens salad with sliced almonds, beets, green beans and sprouts. I end up eating the whole bowl (which a coworker says it about a full head of lettuce, I think she was trying to say I was eating too much, but I feel ok with my eating a whole salad when she's putting back a pork two ways with oil and butter and cheese sandwich on white bread), and it holds me over until I get home.

My favorite bakery in town (Flour) has a fantastic grilled tofu sandwich with olive red pepper tapenade and roasted vegetables. It is SO GOOD. Oh man. New favorite. They also make a great spicy hot cocoa with cayenne pepper, and they'll sub soy milk making it a chocolate-y vegan treat.

Dinners:
Mostly I've been eating either sandwiches and soups from the cafes as I run from one thing to the next, or eating pasta loaded with veggies and tofu (the other night I threw together whole wheat rotini, tomato sauce, seared kale and seared spinach with a generous chunk of tofu...a quick and tasty meal loaded with protein and iron).

I've also made "rice misch," a favorite and versatile dinner dish that Mr. K and I love. This one used the brown rice mix from Trader Joe's (brown rice, black barley and daikon radish seeds--packed with protein and fiber), some leftover MN wild rice and then some black beans. I cook it with veggie stock, add spices and let it cook until it's creamy and risotto like.

Eating out, or not at home:
This weekend I was invited to speak at a Rotary event. When setting up my registration, I noted that Mr. K and I are vegetarians, knowing that it would cause a lot of confusion to point out that we're actually eating vegan. While plates of salmon and london broil were brought to our table mates, Mr. K and I awaited what would eventually be a plate full of cheese-filled tortellini. I ate the vegetables and used a roll to sop up some of the sauce. I had a few tortellini, but left most of it on my plate, finishing dinner rather hungry. Desert was a chocolate mousse, and I must admit in my hunger I did take a few bites.

Then disaster struck when we got to the hotel room. The hotel staff had sent us a cheese and fruit plate because I was a VIP guest of the conference (!!!). A round of boursin cheese, butter and wheat crackers and a huge stem of grapes. Being still hungry from my lack of dinner, I devoured the grapes and half the cheese round. I then promptly lost it in the bathroom and barely slept all night due to what I imagine was a combination of nerves regarding my impending speech, and an upset stomach that was overloaded with cheese.

The next morning breakfast was a buffet, the options being scrambled eggs (nope), sausage patties (nope), assorted pastries (nope), cereal with milk (nope), fruit (I had a whole plate of melon) and potatoes, which I'm hoping were baked and didn't have any butter on them. This was a thoroughly unsatisfying breakfast and contained no good sources of complex carbs or protein. After the breakfast speaker, Mr. K and I went to Starbucks to relax, have a coffee (with soy milk) and some Kind granola bars, which are dairy free but do contain honey (so not vegan by some standards). This helped tide us over until lunch, which was a salad with roasted veggies (everyone else had chicken ceasar).

We then met some friends for dinner at a chinese place, which had plenty of vegan friendly options and great cocktails. I tried some buckwheat and green tea noodles with sauteed veggies and tofu--just what I needed!

So today I'm more in control of what we're eating, since I'll be cooking from home. I'm thinking we'll have this minus the cheese, with a big pot of chili for a late lunch. Enjoy!

The Mess of Reading a Lot of Books at Once

I've noticed that many of my reader friends, and particularly my teacher friends, tend to have many books going at once. I generally prefer to read one book at a time, but those of you who are friends with me on GoodReads know that I am currently "reading" 4 books. While I am not actively reading all of these books, they all contain some sort of bookmark and beckon me to sit down with them and finish flipping through their pretty pages.

I apologize to all of my Chicago loving friends and others who just couldn't put this book down, but I had a hard time not falling asleep or losing interest and I slogged through the Devil in the White City. I'm about half way through this book, which I bought because it looked interesting, had gotten a lot of praise from friends and was chosen by the book club comprised of my friends from the past in CO. Frankly, I'm just not that into architecture. Pages and pages of descriptions of a landscaper stressing about what kind of tree to plant just don't really hold my interest. The murders and the psychopath guy are pretty interesting, though. It reminds me of an episode of Dexter or Criminal Minds (two of my favorite shows).

I do recognize, however, that I currently have no patience for fiction. So perhaps my frustration with Devil in the White City is a result of my impatience. Sometimes fiction just needs patience, and requires you to immerse yourself in a made-up world, instead of requiring you to engross yourself in real facts.

I went through a big fiction/coming-of-age-in-other-lands phase a bit ago, where I devoured books set in China, Japan, India, 100 years ago, 1000 years ago or yesterday. One of my favorites was The Blood of Flowers. I had a teeterng stack of such books on my desk, and a running list of everything I wanted to read. Getting me to put in to a non-fiction book was like asking me to watch water boil. So not worth my time.

And then sometime around Christmas, I started picking up books about nutrition. I'd read Eating Animals over a year ago, which prompted my final commitment to vegetarianism (instead of just meat avoidance, which I'd practiced since I was about 17). I received Omnivore's Dilemma for Christmas, and read through that pretty quickly. I think that's what started my dive into reading anything and everything non-fiction I could get my hands onto.

Taking a break from books about food (there are only so many times you can have your heart wrenched out and you mind blown by facts that throw the way you were raised on end), I sped through a few memoirs. I LOVE memoirs. One of my advisors referred to memoirs as "icky" and "bleck," when I mentioned a few I had on my reading list. His point was, "who cares? it's so self-indulgent." My response (in my head, as I'm practicing the skill of keeping my mouth shut in moments like these), was that I care. I am at that (horrible) point in my life known as the "20's," and I'm confused.

Everyone said that High School would be the time of my life (a really depressing statement, based on my high school experience), and then that college would be a hoot (ok, I had fun and learned a lot, but I'm not chomping at the bit to go back to working 4 jobs and studying on less than 4 hrs of sleep a night--no thanks!). So now I'm "in my 20's." Supposedly this means that I have nice skin (I honestly can't complain in that department, and that sample of kiehl's firming night lotion I got the other day? and my new vegan diet? definitely helping), plenty of energy and the whole world ahead of me.

I'm sure I'm commiting some sort of international crime by pointing out that this prospect is actually terrifying! And no, I'm not averse to change. I like growth (though I recognize it as a painful process). I accept and embrace change, heck-- how many other people do you know that decide one day "I'm going to live in Germany" for a year, and then in that year, travel to 6 different countries (even alone!), and then within a year of being back stateside decide to move halfway across the country without having seen the school she's enrolling in, having a job or a place to live? I love that kind of stuff, I get antsy if I sit still too long.

It's just that there are so many confusing role changes, decisions to be made, and things to figure out. And I am a nerd (if we haven't established that already, well...I hope we have). I read and I research and I analyse and I mull and I think and then I overthink some. So naturally, reading about other people and the decisions they've made and the thoughts they've thought and the feelings they've felt intrigues me.

My Aunti M. told me once that we often compare our insides to other people's outsides, and then we feel like we're really messed up and wrong. But if we took the time to (stop comparing) apples to oranges and just stuck with comparing two rotten apples, we'd see we're ok and we'd be able to move on with confidence that we're doing our best. So maybe by reading about people's internal rotten apples, I can prove to myself that thinking over 5 completely unrelated career goals in one day is not abnormal, or if it is, so what. And maybe I can see how people put together their current path, so I won't feel like I missed the trailhead and am doomed to wander amongst undergrowth. This has to be important, right??

But again, some memoirs actually are lame. Especially the ones written by people who can't actually write. Sometimes the wording and lack of varied sentence structure makes me want to take out my red pen (though I make no claims of being perfect, or writerly), but generally I still find them interesting. Enlightening, thought provoking, funny, charming, encouraging, inspiring. They get the juices flowing and I like it.

Somehow, reading about people's lives and the decisions they make naturally leads to wanting to know more about life so I can start making some decisions of my own. Enter the non-fiction. It started with (and is currently mostly comprised of) reading about birth and babies and midwives and hospital care in the US for mothers and infants. I thought I'd be trudging through this self-imposed assignment, but instead I find myself rivetted and absorbing more information that I ever thought I would! I think I may have found a passion, folks!

And now it all comes to a head. I'm reading Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife, which is BOTH a memoir, AND a non-fiction book about birth. Talk about a perfect pairing for me. It's full of juicy stories about birth and running around in nighties in the middle of the night. I find myself glued to the pages at every description of a birth, each one so unique and miraculous in it's own special way, and yet related to an experience that every single person has had: being born. Can we just appreciate for a moment how cool that is? It also makes me contemplate my third career idea of the day: being a midwife. Thoughts?

I am also currently reading Birth By Design: Pregnancy, Maternity Care and Midwifery in North America and Europe, which contains parts written by my fellowship advisor. I must admit that when I first saw this (thick) book as he plucked it off his shelf and loaned it to me (on pain of death), I assumed it would be dry and boring and textbook like, filled with numbers and tables. It is filled with numbers, but I am also finding myself really interested. This book contains a lot of information, and I want to retain the numbers so I can speak more acurately about the issues raised in the book. This one is going to take some time to read, and sometimes I just want to whiz through a book in a few days. 

 I am also reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility, 10th Anniversary Edition: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health. This one I keep hidden in plain sight on my desk filled with books about reproductive rights, the politics of birth control, patient rights and orgasmic birth (actually, that one's a DVD that I need to watch soon). This book is interesting because it talks about things I think we all should know, basic things about how our bodies function. Yet it covers information that I'm embarassed to say I never learned or that I allowed myself to gloss over in biology. And I even took a class devoted to fertility and fertility treatment! Anyway, I'm trying to use this book to both expand my understanding of myself and continue on my quest to stop putting crazy things into my body that keep me from feeling good, and to expand my knowledge base in case career option #2 comes up again: being a childbirth educator and/or doula.

Perhaps when I finish Baby Catcher, before I move on to something else I should finish up the other two birth related books. And then maybe give Devil in the White City another go...

A Nutritional Comparison- For those who doubt the health of a vegan diet

Over the course of my first day of being "vegan" (I'm 2 meals in and I've said no to croissants, muffins, egg and cheese sandwiches, popsicles with natural flavor, ice cream, pizza and chocolate), I've run into a lot of people expressing concern or doubt that I'll reach my daily nutritional requirements.

My first comment is that people have the same risk of not getting enough vegetables, eating too much candy and chocolate and eating too much refined sugar and carbohydrates whether they are vegetarian, vegan or a meat eater.  And actually, if you're avoiding butter, egg and flavorings (vegan) you have to look harder for junk food you can eat. And lets not forget that protein isn't the only thing our bodies need.

Anyway...as I am a full blown nerd, and a (almost) master in public health, I have prepared the following "day on the table of" listing to show you just how off our general assumptions are about what we eat. Keep in mind that the list below doesn't go into vitamins, servings of veggies or fruits or types of fat (note that fat from animals is always partly saturated, and comes with a lot more cholesterol than plant derived fats)

According to the USDA, I require the following daily (based on my height and weight):

Carbohydrates: 308-446 grams
Fiber: 25 grams
Protein: 65 grams (this is a high estimate, so going too far above is unhealthy)
Fat: 61-102 grams

To compose the meals below, I picked out foods I would have eaten before I was a vegetarian, and food I would eat now that I'm vegan. I stuck to whole foods, assuming I prepared them mostly at home (which I do). The amounts I picked were an estimate of what I'd eat. I then searched for each food item using this nifty tool from the USDA. Please also note that I didn't change my mind about the menu after I looked up the nutritional values. I just wrote down what I'd normally eat, and went with it, to make this as genuine as possible.

How to read this post:

(meal) spinach, tomato, mushroom
Carbs: 5g, 10g, 20g (35g)

Should be read as "5g of carbs in spinach, 10g of carbs in tomato, 20g of carbs in mushroom, for a total of 35g of carbs for this meal."

Breakfast:
(M): english muffin with 1 poached egg, 2 slices cheese and 2 slices canadian bacon
Carbs: 26, 0.35, 1, 1             (28.35)
Fiber: 1.5, 0, 0, 0                    (1.5)
Protein: 4.4, 6.25, 13.9, 11.4 (36)
Fat: 1, 4.7, 18.56, 4              (28.26)

(V): 10 grain hot cereal (2 servings), soy milk, strawberries
Carbs: 56, 8, 12.75 (76.75)
Fiber: 10, 1, 3.3      (14.3)
Protein: 12, 7, 1      (20)
Fat: 2, 4, 0.5            (6.5)

Lunch:
(M): ceasar dressing (2T), romaine lettuce, with chicken and parmesan cheese
Carbs: 1, 4.6, 0, 0.7         (6.3)
Fiber: 0, 3, 0, 0,               (3)
Protein: 0.5, 1.7, 58, 7.6 (67.8)
Fat: 17, 0.4, 7, 5.5          (29.9)

(V) spinach, pears, almonds and dried cranberries salad, vinaigrette
Carbs: 3.3, 25, 20, 33, 25 (106.3)
Fiber: 2, 5, 11, 2, 0             (20)
Protein: 2.6, 0.6, 19.5, 0, 0 (22.7)
Fat: 0.3, 0.1, 45, 0.55, 6     (52)

Dinner:
(M): fresh pasta, tomato sauce, broccoli, parmesan
Carbs: 28.4,17.6, 5, 0.7 (51.7)
Fiber: 0, 3.3, 3, 0             (6.3)
Protein: 6, 2.2, 3, 7.6     (18.8)
Fat: 1.2, 3.4, 0, 5.5        (10.1)

(V): fresh pasta, tomato sauce, broccoli, tofu
Carbs: 28.4,17.6, 5, 3.6 (54.6)
Fiber: 0, 3.3, 3, 1.3          (7.6)
Protein: 6, 2.2, 3, 14      (25.2)
Fat: 1.2, 3.4, 0, 7           (11.6)

TOTALS:
(M)
Carbs: (28.35), (6.3), (51.7) = 86.4 [vs 308-446]
Fiber: (1.5), (3), (6.3)           = 10.8 [vs 25g]
Protein: (36), (67.8), (10.1) = 113.9 [vs 65g]
Fat: (28.26), (29.92), 10.1) =   68.3 [vs 61-102]

(V):
Carbs: (76.75), (106.3), (54.6) = 237.7 [vs 308-446]
Fiber: (14.3), (20), (7.6)            = 41.9 [vs 25g]
Protein: (20), (22.7), (25.2)       = 67.9 [vs 65g]
Fat: (6.5), (52), (11.6)               = 70.1 [61-102s]

So it looks like the vegan gets closer to the daily requirement of carbs (I can add more carbs!), is at about twice the recommended amount of daily fiber (check out what the mayo clinic has to say about fiber). It should also be pointed out that the sources of carbs in the vegan's diet are mostly complex carbs, which keep the blood sugar more even (medline has this to say)

The vegan is right where she needs to be for protein intake, getting even more than the generous recommendation, while the meat eater may actually be getting too much protein--even without having meat with dinner! (check out what the Mayo Clinic has to say about high protein diets). I think I'd rather take a little flatulence over an increased risk of kidney and liver problems, heart disease and cancer.

And the meat eater and vegan are about even in fat intake. Though it should be pointed out that well over half the fat in the vegan's menu is from the almonds. We know that almonds have good stuff in them (see here). If fat were a big concern, the vegan could have substituted seitan, tempeh, tofu or edamame in the salad as low-fat protein sources. The fat in the meat eater's diet is almost entirely from meat and cheese, and therefore definitely contains saturated fat and cholesterol (you can't really argue with me that those are healthy things)

I certainly feel better about my choices now. How about you?

Vegan for Lent Begins!

Last night Mr. K and I made an appearance at the Taste of the South End and ate our happy little hearts out on some great fare from some of the top restaurants in the South End of Boston. We had pizza, cupcakes, red velvet whoopie pies (ok, I might have had 2 of them and wished I'd had 3), arancini balls, samosas and saag paneer, naan, plantain soup, crab salad, smoked salmon, trout pate, raclette, cheddar and blue cheese from South End Formaggio (definitely went back to that table about 5 times), biscuits (Mr. K ate the chicken part of the deconstructed pot pie, while I stuck to the biscuit), masa, octopus, ceviche, some sort of caramely chocolate goodness, veggie empanadas, mini eclairs, scallops, among other delights. We sampled some fancy drinks including a watermelon jalapeno margarita, a pomegranate drink with vodka and mint, a cucumber gimlet, and a coconut martini (yes, it was a Tuesday night, but please keep in mind that all but the vodka drink were about the size of a shot).

Note to self: never wear tights and a cincher belt to a food tasting again. Bad choice. Though we did get our photo taken for some online magazine...so maybe we'll be famous!

The event was a fundraiser for AIDS Action Committee of Massachusetts, a great organization that serves a lot of people. I did my internship with them earlier on in my degree program, writing a training manual for the facilitators of their "BE SAFE" collaborative program, which trains youth workers in issues such as violence, substance abuse and other hot button issues.

So back to food. Today is Ash Wednesday, which means its the first day of Lent. Mr. K (who went to Catholic school and therefore has a much better knowledge base of these things than I), has informed me that Lent does not technically start until you go to mass and get ashes on your forehead. As I am not planning to attend mass today, I just began my "lent" when I woke up this morning.

Be Involved and Join Me!

I'd like to chronicle my progress and share what I cook and eat to provide you all with some ideas of how this process looks for me, and perhaps some ideas of what you can make if you'd like to cut out some animal products from your diet. Please leave comments to tell me whether you'd prefer a daily (concise) update (so you can follow along with me and cook some of the recipes I post), or that I post only weekly (there are 6.5 weeks between now and Easter, so that would mean roughly 7 posts). Weekly posts would then be a little longer as they will contain a week's worth of information.

Remember, if you'd like to join me but aren't ready to start today or don't want to align your own experiment with Lent, the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine is hosting a 21 day vegan kickstart online. You can check it out here. Also, you can "like" it on facebook and you'll get some posts with recipe ideas, news articles and information to encourage you and answer any questions you might have. The site itself it full of some great tips and some useful information about nutrition. It also has recipes!

You might also consider trying out "Meatless Mondays" with your family, and choosing to try one completely vegetarian (or vegan) meal per week. The New York times has a great series called "Recipes for Health" which usually operates under a particular theme every few weeks. The recipes are generally very simple without too many crazy ingredients. The posts also include information about the ingredients, and often notes about what makes them healthy. I think most of them are vegetarian (I subscribe to it with my google reader and I don't think I've come across any meat-filled recipes, though I could be wrong), and the current theme is vegan recipes, as many people give up animal products during Lent (hey, I'm not alone!). The recipes are hearty and definitely full of nutrition and substance. I'll be reposting (or linking to) my favorites in the coming weeks. Another great recipe source is 101 Cookbooks, an all vegetarian blog written by a woman who not only understands great food, but is a stellar photographer to boot. She has several vegan recipes (see the side panel to pull up the list of them), and many of her recipes can easily be made vegan by swapping in soymilk for milk, oil for butter, and eliminating cheese.

Please also feel free to comment with any of your own recipes, challenges, questions, or misgivings about vegan or vegetarian diets. What would be the hardest thing for you to give up? For me, it's looking like yogurt and cheese.

And Finally: The ultimate goals!

Any experiment needs to be accompanied by a goal of sorts, or a purpose. First, here are the parameters:

1. Eliminating dairy (milk, cheese, yogurt), eggs, meat/fish (already done), gelatin (made from animal parts)
2. Avoiding natural flavors (These are typically made from tallow, or animal fat. Fat is the part of the animal that stores most of the toxins. It's also an animal part, not just an animal product).
3. Replacing the milk, cheese, yogurt and eggs that I have been eating with complex, protein and nutrient rich whole grains (couscous, brown rice, barley, wild rice), legumes (lentils, beans) and vegetables (which I already eat a lot of).
4. Avoiding the temptation to satiate my craving for rich eggy, cheesy, creamy foods by increasing my intake of junk food (which is already pretty minimal, I just don't want it to increase).

And here are the goals or expected outcomes:

1. Losing weight. I am currently 20 lbs heavier than my "normal" weight, and 25-30 lbs heavier than my "ideal" weight. (I attribute this to my shoulder injury and resultant inability to swim, the holidays and a new sedentary job).
2. Having more energy and "feeling good." This is totally subjective, but essentially I'm looking to find greater harmony and balance internally, acting on my conviction that eating something because it's "easy" or "tastes good" or "everyone else does" doesn't outweight the negative environmental, ethical, economical and health impact such an act has.

Please join me! Please comment and be involved. Any encouragement or recipe ideas are greatly appreciated!

Jetzt geht's los!

Teacher, my legs are too long!

Let me first say, before I get going here, that I walk home from yoga. I walk there, and I walk back.

Tonight, as I composed part of this post in my head and reflected on my most recent practice that just ended, I got caught behind 4 males who had completely doused themselves in eu de Fratboy, which I believe you can pick up in the Tommy Hilfiger section of your local department store, or in the back of Abercrombie & Fitch's soft core porn shop. Take you pick. Nothing like that smell to take me back to my freshman year of college when I pledged that sorority. (in case you're wondering, I didn't last long).

Now back to my legs. Or yoga. Really, it's both.

Those of you who have seen me know that I'm not short, but what you might not know, is that my inseam is actually longer than Mr. K's. Even though he's like, 4 inches taller than me (on a good day, when I'm in flats). And nothing makes me feel like this is completely abnormal more than yoga practice.

There is this "move" or flow in yoga (tonight was hip hop vinyasa) where you "hop" your feet or move your feet up near your hands. This is generally done from a plank pose (damn, we did a lot of those tonight), so I want you to picture in your mind the physics of what must happen to move an outstretched leg from plank to, say, a low lunge. And then imagine that you have abnormally long legs. Most 'normal' gals do this with what appears to be a great amount of ease. I tend to flail a bit, slightly lose my balance and then awkwardly grab my leg and place it where it needs to be. This is sort of the extreme opposite of grace.

But before I go any further in publicly condemning my yoga practice, I have to admit that I am a competitive person. I know this might be surprising (actually, it probably isn't, because we've seen here at ramblings that competitive tendencies come with the perfectionist territory). Even though it is completely against the whole philosophy of yoga and meditation, I do find myself checking out my fellow practitioners to see just how high my hips can go compared to theirs in downward dog. Or to make sure that my pigeon (one of my favorite poses) is as low as everyone else's.

The sad thing is, none of that actually matters. My practice is, and should be, mine. And yoga, like my crazy hike at RYLA, is not about making it to the top or finishing first. It's about finding my rhythm and my strength and learning a bit about myself. Today I learned many things.

1. I am completely out of balance (can we just take a moment to think about all the times I fell over today or lost my balance? It was too many to count. So many, in fact, that I just started giggling at myself every time it happened)

2. I won the race by showing up, and I should thank for myself for providing that opportunity to myself (no matter how tight I am, or how awkward my legs were, or how sore I now am, I did good.)

3. I should live each moment without pride and without judgement. That means that if my balance is super ridiculous and nowhere near where I want it, then I should just observe. I shouldn't judge my pose or myself. Likewise, if my hips do get really high in my downward dog, or I totally nail a pose I've been working hard on, I shouldn't be proud. I should just be happy about that moment and show my body gratitude for giving me that pose.

That's some powerful stuff. Something I wish I could incorporate better into my daily workings. For example, when I do something dumb like forgetting my keys, or accidentally forgetting my lunch for the 4th day in a row, berating myself internally, choosing to skip meals as a punishment or profusely apologizing to Mr. K are unnecessary, self-destructive and unproductive. They get me nowhere, except one step closer to an ulcer or a nervous breakdown. Similarly, the pride that comes from noting that I'm often earlier to work than my office mate is also unnecessary and unproductive. His behavior is not mine, and I should really just concern myself with me, my work and my productivity, doing the best I can, regardless.

"Should" here being the operative word. I should do all these things. I should be balanced and peaceful and on top of myself. And yet I am woefully not there. I am unbalanced internally and skeletally, and I'm not sure what to do about it, except keep hacking away at it. Yoga, massage, meditation, breathing when I forget to, changes to diet and exercise patterns. Optimism and leaning on Mr. K for support. Personal growth is a painful sport!

Veganism...

...and only 1 week of animal products left!

I am becoming more and more excited about this challenge. I am also working on deflecting the copious amounts of flak I'm getting. This will be a character building experience and a chance to prove to myself that what other people think should not unduly influence my choices. Easier said than done.

I'm a little over half way through Veganist, and I must say that I rather enjoy it. It's a simply written book that goes through 10 promises from the author. One thing I love about Mrs. Freston's approach is that she gets the fact that it's overwhelming to say to yourself: "I'm done eating animal products." (cold turkey much?) She didn't choose to give them up until her 30's, and did so gradually. She felt compelled to cut out one animal at a time, and now has a vegan household (no animal products at home). Her husband still eats fish when he goes out, but he also eats (and enjoys) her vegan cooking.

One of the things I was hoping for in this book was a better understanding of the biological and health impacts of a vegan lifestyle, and the beginning of the book delivers. She then goes into some information (though not as in-depth) about the factory farming scene, animal cruelty, world hunger and poverty, global warming, personal economics. I'm not done yet, but her intro suggests I'm coming up on the spirituality chapters (pretty cool stuff!).

In class evaluations, we are often asked to comment on whether or not the teacher inspired us to research more, and the thing I like most about this book is that it has whet my appetite for more information. It also makes me feel like I've sort of been lied to by society about what my body actually needs, and what's good for me. The good news is that I can educate myself and make my own decisions about how I want to live and eat.

But does it taste good? For that, I provide you with the affirmation that Mr. K, who will eat meat (only if it has already been purchased or cooked, like at a friend's house or a pot luck, he won't order it in restaurants or buy it for home), enjoys my vegan cooking. I used to sneak things like tofu into our food and wait until after he'd tried a vegan cookie or piece of cake before announcing it was vegan. Then I realized he didn't care so long as it tasted good. So now I'm much more open about it (and he gets all the thin mints!). On that note, I leave you with two recipes I've recently made that are quite tasty, and super animal/environment/health/digestive system/budget friendly. :)

Vegan Peanut Butter Cookies
The recipe I use and LOVE is from 101 Cookbooks, and you can find it here. The only change I made was to combine almond butter with flaxseeds (from trader joe's) and peanut butter, instead of just using straight peanut butter. There is no sugar, just maple syrup (I sometimes subsitute honey or agave nectar, though honey has a strong flavor that comes out a bit in the cookies, sometimes I mix what I have on hand), and I usually use whole wheat flour. You definitely want to try these with a tall glass of cold (non-dairy) milk! I can also imagine they'd be good with chopped nuts inside, bits of chocolate...very adaptable indeed.

Beans and Rice, version #2195
Mr. K and I call this sort of dish "misch" (which is German from "mix," or short for "mixed"), and it's one of our favorites. It's also something that turns out different every time because I make it with whatever I have on hand. (My favorite story about this dish is that I LOVE it, and have since I started living on my own, but when Mr. K and I started dating, I wouldn't make it for him because it wasn't fancy and impressive enough. Then one day I was so tired and needed some comfort food, so I said: "I'm just going to make this, if you don't like it, we'll order a pizza." He LOVED it. It's been a staple for us ever since!)

Last night I made it with the following:

1 c. uncooked "brown rice mix" from Trader Joes (brown rice, black barley, daikon radish seeds--to which I added some MN wild rice I had in my pantry)
1.5-2 c liquid (some combo of water and veggie stock, I use the low sodium organic stock from Trader Joe's)
1 can beans (I used white kidney beans, because we'd never tried them before)
salt, pepper, chili powder (I love ancho chili), smoked paprika, ground cumin (I grind my own), dried jalapeno pepper flakes (or whatever kind of kick you like)

Bring liquid to a boil in a pot (no oil or vegan butter necessary, but you're welcome to use it if you feel like you need it). Add grains, bring back to a boil, reduce heat to medium and let cook 10 min with lid on. Add beans and hot pepper flakes, continue cooking on med to med-low (vigorous simmer), about another 20-25 minutes. The dish is done when the grains are tender and you've reached the desired consistency (it will thicken as it cools, so keep turning it down if you're not sure). As the dish nears "done" add your chosen spices to taste.
**I was originally planning to add in some corn (one of Mr. K's favorite foods), but I forgot. I also often add chopped up peppers, canned or fresh tomatoes. It's also good topped with guac, chopped avocado, sour cream or cheese, and is amazing wrapped up in a tortilla with some salsa.

enjoy!

**A special note for those of you concerned with the health implications of this as dinner.
1. This is an incredibly filling dinner, super low in fat (a whopping 4 grams of fat for the whole dish, so 2 grams each for Karl and I). I had no room for dessert afterward (though I did wash it down with a cool glass of soymilk)

2. This dinner was completely free of anitbiotics, hormones, trace amounts of animal exrement and pesticides

3. This dinner was free of cholesterol and saturated fat

4. One serving of the rice mix has 9 grams of protein, and we each had two servings. We also each had about 2 servings of beans, which were also 8 grams of protein each. That means that each of us had 34 grams of protein in our dinner.

But is that enough?
According to WebMD, adult men and women require 56 and 46 grams of protein daily, respectively. That means that in addition to our protein packed dinner, Karl needed another 22 grams, and I needed 12. Lucky for us, we each had greek yogurt for breakfast, with a whopping 12 grams of protein each. Here is what I ate yesterday:

Breakfast: Greek yogurt with fresh blueberries and a sprinkling of soy cluster and flax cereal (lots of fiber and protein)--no this isn't a vegan breakfast, but I can swap in soy yogurt or hot grain cereal.
*1g fat, 14 g. protein (the cereal had protein too)

Lunch: leftover veggie sautee with tofu bits
*minimal fat, at least 6 grams of protein, loaded with iron and vitamins (beets, kale, zucchini, corn)

Snack: peanut butter cookies
*also loaded with protein and good fats, low glycemic load (thanks to non-white/refined sugar)

Dinner: Misch, glass of soymilk
*5 g fat, 37 g. protein (the milk has protein too),

That brings my total to about:
<15g fat
57 g protein (more than I needed!)

And yes, my requirements will change some day when I'm pregnant. I'll need 71 grams of protein daily, which requires just 14 more grams than I got yesterday. Maybe a snack of yogurt, some almonds. Who knows?

Informed Consent

The idea of informed consent, at least in research, came about after the tragedies and horrors of WWII and the Nazi concentration and death camps. You might remember half-sleeping through your world history teacher's description of something called the Nuremberg Trials (unless you had a rockin' teacher like I did...).

I'm no history buff (we've gone through this...biology, physics, reading, writing, math...just don't make me memorize dates and names! I can't do it!), but this is one part of history that really sticks with me. The whole basis of the Nuremberg Trials was that it is completely NOT ok to conduct an experiment on a human being without their consent. And consent is not to be obtained in the sense of "do this, it's fine" or "do this, or I'll kill you, or kill your family, or torture you." No, consent was to be obtained by explaining to a person what you (the investigator) want to do, why you want to do it, what risks are involved and how likely they are, what benefit a volunteer may or may not receive, and how it might benefit people overall.

As a willing participant in research, you are then supposed to weigh these options, think about what is acceptable to you, and after reaching a decision, provide consent or decline. There is also an underlying understanding that as the owner and master of your body, you are welcome and encouraged to say "stop!" at any time, no questions asked.

The findings of the Nuremberg trials ultimately led to the Belmont Principles (described in the Belmont Report), which are displayed in a frame on the first wall you see when you walk into the IRB office at BUMC (where I work). They are:

1. Respect for Persons- being truthful, not being deceptive, respecting a person's autonomy and providing for informed consent. respecting the word: "no", no matter when or why it comes.

2. Beneficence- "do no harm," and maximize the effectiveness of the research while minimizing risk to participants

3. Justice- procedures and opportunities to participate in and benefit from research are equally and fairly distributed (for example, it's not cool to conduct research only on men, so that men are the only ones to benefit from research knowledge...oh wait, that already happened).

These are three things lie at the heart of what we must consider when evaluating EVERY single research protocol that comes across our desks, or into our online workboxes. And these three principles, in addition to a whole host of guidelines set up by people who have some pretty detailed medical, research and ethical understanding, form the basis of our analysis and evaluation of the acceptability and approve-ability of research.

The basic idea is this: You can't just, on a whim, decide that you're going to do something to people. You need to make sure that it's safe, that it makes sense (this is perhaps the most amusing part of my job...'you mean you want to what?? why???'), and some benefit to society will come as a result.

For a taste of some of the arbitrary and horrific experiments conducted during the Holocaust, I recommend checking out Echoes from Auschwitz: Dr. Mengele's Twins: The Story of Eva & Miriam Mozes. I had the privilege of listening to Eva Mozes Kor speak at a research ethics conference last December. Aside from the fact that this octogenarian is bright, full of humor and spunky like no other person I've met, she has a deep understanding of the importance of respect for persons in research.

Amazingly, she is not at all opposed to research. She credits research with saving her son who developed a disease as a young adult, and she fully understands why research is necessary. Her plea to the doctors in the audience, however, was to simply stop and think about the human on the table in front of them. Her message left me, and many others, in tears. And yes, I waited almost an hour to meet her and have her sign my book.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with even the recent violations of research ethics, there are a few classic examples you should learn about:

1932-1972 Tuskegee Syphilis Study
Researchers withhold treatment from black men infected with syphilis to see it's "natural course" play out.

1946-1948 Guatamala Syphilis Study
Syphilis infected prostitutes were allowed to have unprotected sexual contact with prisoners in Guatamala (some of which was paid for with US tax dollars). Men were also exposed to syphilis by having it poured on wounds or injected.

1956-1971 Willowbrook Hepatitis Studies
Mentally retarded children were deliberately infected with Hepatitis to test the efficacy of a vaccine being developed against Hepatitis.

1960s Milgram Obedience Experiments
Participants were deliberately deceived when asked to participate in the study, and were made to believe that they were hurting (and possibly killing) other people. The study led several participants to suffer severe psychological reactions.

As mentioned, these are just a few of the classic examples that we discuss in class (and that serve as a daily reminder to me why my job matters, which helps me deal with investigators who whine that lumbar puncture and removal of spinal fluid are "minimal risk." FYI: they are NOT)

So let's extend this idea of informing people of what's happening to the medical setting. Not the experimental medical setting, or research, but the day to day setting of health care. If it's not ok to conduct research on a human being who does not consent, is it ok to perform a procedure on a human who does not consent, is misled or uniformed about the risks involved? If you're not sure, the answer is actually no (there are, of course, complex cases...like Terri Schaivo's, that require a little more thinking).

Part of living under the consitution our forefathers wrote is having the freedom not to have our bodies invaded. Bodily invasion counts as assault, and comprises not just being beaten with a stick as your wallet is stolen, but having your uterus taken out when you went in for appendicitis, or having 10 residents come in and practice pelvic exams while you're sedated for a completely unrelated surgery (believe it or not, these things happen). I recommend you read The Rights of Patients: The Authoritative ACLU Guide to the Rights of Patients, Third Edition (American Civil Liberties Union Handbook), which was written by one of my health law professors (George Annas). I think this book is a great resource for navigating the health care system either as a patient or a patient advocate.

And to tie this post in to my last few, let's consider the way a lot of maternity care transpires. How often are women told what all of the risks associated with interventions are? How often are women able to weight the pros and cons of different procedures, especially when some are not medically indicated? To avoid being encouraged to jump into something that isn't safe or necessary, it's best to be educated ahead of time. Luckily, when you find our you're pregnant you have at least 8 months to learn about risks and benefits...unlike when you're rushed to the ER for a broken foot, say.

Fellowship Fun!

As graduation draws near, my motivation to finish up my fellowship grows. It also has a serious impact on my reading list, which just grew by several thick books in the last week.

I posted previously that my next reading-venture would be Veganist: Lose Weight, Get Healthy, Change the World by Kathy Freston, in preparation for my "Vegan for Lent" experiment. This is on hold, however, until I get a few more fellowship books under my belt. I do hope to read it before March 9th, though. Or perhaps I'll read it as I jump into Vegan for Lent. (If you have any recommendations about good, well-researched non-fiction about Vegan diets, send the recs my way!)

I finished Escape this past weekend, which was quite an interesting read. Definitely an amazing story of a woman's courage, internal struggle to reconcile how she was raised and what makes sense, and her ability to break out of the mind control of a cult. Definitely a good read for those days when you don't think you can get out of bed.

Then I devoured Jennifer Block's Pushed. After reading this book I was so pumped up and angry about how completely ridiculous the system of maternity care in the US can be. This book is based solidly in research, and the upsides and even downsides of doulas and midwives are discussed alongside the upsides and downsides of hospitals, though the author is certainly of the opinion that midwives and doulas are generally a positive influence on birth, and doctors and hospitals not so much.

I only wish there had been a companion few pages of "what to do now." This book has all the makings of a huge call to action, minus any clear idea of what that action should be. Ideas of mine? Encouraging more friends and family members to educate themselves well before they are pregnant, writing letters to insurance companies, newspapers, etc to make sure people know just how ridiculous some things are (an example? why would an insurance company cover a procedure that costs 3-4x's another, statistically safer procedure that they don't cover?).

Now I'm reading (quickly) through the companion book to the video "The Business of Being Born," written by Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein. The book is called "Your Best Birth."

This book contains several birth stories, which are always fun to read if you like birth stuff. There are lists of questions to take to your doctor, your OB, your midwife, your doula. There are explanations of procedures and medications, midwife certifications and all sorts of other information to guide you through the complexity of choosing your birth experience.

I would recommend this book for any woman who is currently pregnant or is planning to get pregnant soon and wants to know about labor before it happens. This book is much more calming and soothing than some of the other books, which might lead a pregnant woman to have some anxiety over the dismal outlook of maternity and newborn care in the US. One thing I think we can all agree on is that increasing maternal stress levels is good for no one's health! (However, I think being informed and knowing what you want is a great way to combat anxiety and dismal health statistics, so read up, ladies! and men too!)

I also like the documentary (I had better, as it's the basis of my fellowship project! It's hard to write curriculum around something you don't like). The books I'm reading are going to be part of my recommended list for further reading. The video, however, is great. It's a nice, short, visual representation of many of the issues raised in these books, and it's a great conversation starter. Definitely gave Mr. K and I some things to talk about, and I certainly feel better knowing we're on the same page.

And also on my list is "Orgasmic Birth," about which I have heard many interesting comments. As part of the bonus material is my fellowship advisor, Eugene DeClercq (also interviewed in "The Business of Being Born") talking about his project: Birth By the Numbers. The other girl partnering with me on this fellowship is working on the Birth By the Numbers website.

I've got a solid list of books to read, but as the whole purpose of reading these books is to create a meaningful list of recommended reading, I'd love to hear what you've read (or which videos you've seen) that either were or weren't helpful to you (and why).

Just shipped today (thanks to a gift card I found in my wallet from who knows when), are the following:

Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife
Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom (Revised Edition): Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing
The Botany of Desire: A Plant's-Eye View of the World (ok, this is just for me...I needed something to push me over into free shipping!)

On my Kindle, I've got samples (and soon to be full versions) of the following:
Born in the USA: How a Broken Maternity System Must Be Fixed to Put Women and Children First

Spiritual Midwifery
The Doula Guide to Birth: Secrets Every Pregnant Woman Should Know

Books I found on Goodreads that looked promising:
Immaculate Deception II: Myth, Magic and Birth
Orgasmic Birth: Your Guide to a Safe, Satisfying, and Pleasurable Birth Experience
Mainstreaming Midwives: The Politics of Change
Adventures in Natural Childbirth: Tales from Women on the Joys, Fears, Pleasures, and Pains of Giving Birth Naturally
Lady's Hands, Lion's Heart: A Midwife's Saga
The Midwife: A Memoir of Birth, Joy, and Hard Times
Labor of Love: A Midwife's Memoir
Arms Wide Open: A Midwife's Journey
The Blue Cotton Gown: A Midwife's Memoir
Ina May's Guide to Childbirth
The Social Context of Birth
Heart and Hands: A Midwife's Guide to Pregnancy and Birth

And other books on my list, recommended by my adviser:
The Farmer and the Obstetrician
Lying-In: A History of Childbirth in America, Expanded Edition
Childbirth and Authoritative Knowledge: Cross-Cultural Perspectives
Birth By Design: Pregnancy, Maternity Care and Midwifery in North America and Europe

And I'll leave you with a final thought:

Given that every single person on earth, ever, has experienced birth at least once, in some form or another, and given the current research into the impact of birth on our emotional and physical selves, doesn't it make sense to pay some attention?

Further: given the cost of health care in the US (which no one can ignore, no matter what side of the aisle you're on), and the current economic climate, how can we sit back and perpetuate the most expensive, more risky birth processes as "normal" and "best," despite every piece of evidence at our finger tips?