Today I am feeling a little raw from a spat of poorly executed constructive criticism that happened to hit the biggest trigger for my anxiety and depression, which left me a puddle in the office and involved some hyperventilation and a lot of tears. This was certainly not my finest moment, but I am determined (as I'm on this path of personal growth and finding my way), to see the positive and find some lessons.
Right now, those lessons are a bit blurry and I'm certainly wishing I could just read the spark notes, take the quiz and get my passing grade. Sadly, that's not an option.
But rather than dwelling on the emotion and allowing myself to sink back into the panic and negativity I felt yesterday, I'm choosing today to focus on some major positives. And I hope you'll see that all those teensy tiny things you do really make a difference (sometimes a profound one), even when you don't expect it to.
Newspaper Man
The other day I came to the top of the stairs at the T stop where newspaper man brings cheer each morning, and was greeted more personally than usual. Fewer people were milling about, so he leaned in to say "You know, girl, I love you!" This was not creepy, as I actually feel much the same way, in that "we're both humans and we enjoy the friendly greeting and joy of the other" type platonic human way. And then I said I needed to know his name. He is Glen, and we shook hands as he sent me on my way, wishing me a happy day.
He has also noticed that I am working out now (I carry my yoga mat with me on my commute, in a super nerdy yogi way). And he tells me I'm beautiful and calls me sunshine and darling, and I honestly smile every time I see him. What I love about this daily interaction is that neither of us were bashful about sharing some joy and greeting, and I think we both enjoy our days more as a result. So cheap, so easy, so rewarding.
Yoga Diva of Hip Hop Fame
I have started devoting more of my physical time to yoga (I've gone nearly every day for at least 1.5hrs/day over the last week and a half, and my body is SO HAPPY). I've already noticed that some of the tension in my shoulder that has remained from/is my injury (the one that has kept me out of the pool/lake/ocean for nearly a year now) is going away. This is huge progress! And I can still move and work on my hip which is also a smidge wonky, and work on my breathing and posture and happiness and the idea of introspection and personal growth.
Part of the reason I started this path was because I found a teacher at a studio close to home, who encouraged me to visit her home studio (near my work, where I just signed up for membership). She teaches Hip Hop Yoga, and is honestly an inspiration to me! She always reminds us to be greatful to ourselves that we made it to the mat, to thank our bodies for our practice (which helps me to build a kinder relationship with my body), and to accept our practice, poses and selves without judgement and without praise.
I've written about that "no judgement, no praise" mantra before. But today it takes a new meaning. I'm trying not to judge myself for how I reacted yesterday, or for how easy on myself I was in my practice at Hip Hop last night (it's usually very upbeat and full of powerful flow, and I spent a long time in child's pose fighting back tears). Well, last night I barely made it to practice (I cried the whole way there, and was sort of scared to walk into the studio with tears and such), but I am so glad I did. She played a song I sent her, and it was a total surprise and made me smile. That smile got me through the rest of the night.
There are many other little things that have pleasantly caught me off guard lately, though for brevity (something I clearly need to work on, given the length of some of my posts...yikes!) I'll leave it at these two, a cheerful hello and a special song.
No comments:
Post a Comment